Cover Letters - They're Just That Important

UGH!! Job hunting... Those things can be the worst thing ever, can't they? (At least until something even worse comes rolling by in a manner akin to Steam's sale train.) There are many important things one must know about job hunting, should they wish to--you know--actually be employed...

Now, I'm not claiming to be an expert in the job hunting business. I, sadly, don't have enough motivation to make it my full-time life, so I do that thing called getting in and advancing within. I swear to you, that's a real thing. My mum's all like, *GLARE* GET A JOB YOU BUM if I don't have a job (that is really me extremely paraphrasing for your entertainment...there's usually a lengthy discussion on the values of employment) so I get a job. And the Gross family has this whole don't give up thing, so giving up isn't my thing by nature (although adopting the lifestyle and maintaining it are two entirely different stories). And I'm not a job expert who learned to be a job expert so that they could help others get jobs either...

But I have had my fair share of job hunts in the past, and over the years I feel I have a little bit of insight to share. Additionally, I had to learn a few things when I was previously working in management so that I could hire people to work for me.

Here are a few things, listed in a nice bulleted manner, for your perusal that may help you should you need to find a home in that shady alley known as the Work Force.

• Proper attire - comes in handy when displaying the fact that you're ready to join the work force. It is true that some places don't actually care what you wear, however, being properly attired can speak volumes of you without you trying. 

• For a factory job interview working on the factory side of the business, try considering a more casual yet still somewhat dressy appeal such as a polo shirt and black slacks. Yes, you may end up in torn jeans (or being interviewed by that person who just wants to stuff you at an assembly line as soon as they can, like I was) but you may also end up interviewing with a person from the office who is looking for those subtle hints that you're ready to work. 
• For an office job or something in customer service, try considering a dressier bit of attire. You don't need to wear a tuxedo (unless you're applying as a tuxedo wearing mannequin) but it's better to wear a blouse and skirt or pants, or a dress shirt, tie, and slacks and then inquire on the dress code after you have the job. 
• And for the sake of your job hunt, try caring what you look like as you pick up, fill out, and drop off your application. If you see a receptionist or clerk, don't be a jerk to them. They will remember your attitude, and luckily for those in the hiring business, it is frequently a good excuse not to hire someone because, "They don't have the right fit for the team." It is more than acceptable to refuse to hire someone because there is someone out there that will suit the company more than you, should you fail to remember your manners. These people are ones you want to be your coworkers, and if you can't play well in the sandbox, then you're not going to get to play in it.
• PLEASE CLEAN YOURSELF. I can't say this enough. Good hygiene practices are all kinds of promoted. From the government, to doctors, to big vaccine companies, it is so promoted. Here's an example guide to help you get started on which practices to put in your daily routine.

• Attitude - This is incredibly important. Always remember to bring your manners with you when you push back the sheets and crawl out of bed onto the chilly floor in the morning. Always remember to smile like you mean it, and when job hunting especially, do not rely on, "Oh, sometimes I get a bit cynical," to pull you through the day. When your attitude turns to baditude, it's going to bring everyone around you down. 

• Resume - Yes, you need this. Yes, it must look good no matter what job you apply for. No, you cannot expect to be taken seriously if you use the wrong font, or think its cute to do your resume in crayon and then drench your resume in some kind of eu de cologne because you won't be taken seriously and it isn't cute. Yes, it is worth mentioning. No, not everyone knows these things. I've had all manner of crazy resumes during my time in management, from ones that used a new font for every single line to the aforementioned crayon resume. The resume is just as important, if not more so, than your attire. It should be edited far more than I have done this blog post. For a place where you can find editors, visit oDesk. You will have to do some weeding to find the person to edit for you, but I highly recommend trying to get someone with actual schooling on editing. There are people there who claim to be, "As good as anyone with traditional schooling experience" but if you don't want an editor with a background, then you might as well edit it yourself. In order to hire, you need to sign up to be a client but it's very easy to do. 

• THE Application - I really emphasize the right there, and for good reason. Many times I had people come in and give me applications that weren't even from my place of employment. Don't you think that showed me how attentive to details they were? It's also important to completely, accurately, and legibly fill the application out. The application is your second step in the door, with the first being picking up the application and being not-a-jerk to the clerk. If you can't pay attention to details to fill out one form, will your prospective employer buy into that stuff you're selling about how good you are with details or how you're always completing what you started before moving on to the next task? Do yourself a favor and take your time with the application. Try to avoid having to ask for a second application. It costs the company money to get applications printed, and it displays your nervous propensity for making mistakes. Even if you don't always make mistakes, that is what it might look like. If you fill your application out online, you still want to take your time. And always, always, be accurate on this form. Inaccuracies will get you stuck at the bottom of the pile. If you don't have all the information on the application either, you will go to the bottom of the pile because typically you won't find an employer with a stack of 50 to 500 applications bothering to give you a call just so they can get the important information they already asked for.

• Cover letter - Some jobs don't require these, but just in case, why not assume that they do and just put one together? Ask A Manager blogger Alison Green provides an article here showing an inspirational example of a cover letter. Note, she apparently has found out that people took bits and pieces of it as their own already and were disqualified for the job because of this. Why? Because that person showed a unique skill not desired in the work force: plagiarism. A hard word to spell, but an easy thing to do. Take the hard road and do your own cover letter. And if the company didn't really require it but you did it anyway, that will show them that you take initiative, and can--if done right--really put you ahead of the pile.

So, I hope all of this has inspired you. Now, I will write a cover letter myself.
↓ See below. By the way, it is not a recommended cover letter. But if you choose to plagiarize it, could you at least source your material? It might help me increase my readership. ↓

Dear Mr Regional Manager,

I will not bore you with the impressive details of how I work all the jobs available in my current town. Somehow that would feel very narcissistic, and much akin to bragging. I will instead sum up the resume recap by saying, "If the pen truly is mightier than the sword, then the smartphone calendar is the greatest time manipulation device since the TARDIS." 

I could also make a hilarious joke that I manage all my jobs by having 3 arms, four legs, and a clone who sleeps for me, however lying is not recommended in a cover letter so I will admit we never sleep.

Instead, I would like the chance to address the more important question undoubtedly on your mind, regarding my expanse outside the book industry. Let me just say that the closing of the bookstore I managed was felt greatly by the entire community of my town. However, I personally went as far from the book industry as any other addict at your local Book-Aholics Anonymous Meetings. When the bookstore announced it would be closing, I began informing my regular customers to let me know if they needed books. Most of these regulars were older ladies and gents who still thought the internet and credit/debit cards were a trend that would die out and when it did the bookstore would return. Little did they know...

So I have become the go-to-girl for book dealing in my town like a drug addict with business sense may join the dealing trade. Without a bookstore here, it's almost like it's black market, isn't it? 

Apart from that, I also joined that much loved, yet oh-so-mysterious world of publishers and writers. So, I do not think I would not be up to the task of becoming an asset to your business. The truth is that my previous company owner offered me the opportunity to find other work with them, but my town is one of those that grows on you, like fungus on feet, or mold on bread. You have no idea what's going on until suddenly you do. 

Bearing the above mentioned in mind, I will concur that I would--in fact--be an asset to your business should you take me on. My hours would be very limited to occasional factory holidays and shut-downs. On the plus side, perhaps having an In-House Author who frequently shows up to work would be a great promotional tool to draw people into your store?

I am always full of ideas. One thing my previous boss said when she was informing me the store would close was that she wished I had come sooner as many of my ideas would have not only extended the life of the business, but also saved it from having to close at all. Granted, this could have all been said in a very placating manner, as an apology of sorts, for me being weeks away from the lengthy unemployment lines. 

That being said, I am not out to horn in on Miss Manager's job. I am merely trying to paint a verbal selfie of my usefulness. So to further detail the image, please view the neatly bulleted list below on my skills. 

→Fully trained in computers, including but not limited to clicking, double clicking, mice, e-mail, internet, inserting cute symbols like arrows when an ordinary bullet would suffice... I could go on...

→changing the die on a Verson Punch Press... this gives me a load of empathy toward my fellow blue collar workers and allows me to seem more human than your ordinary customer service person. 

→Speech... this skill, when properly employed, allows the user to ingratiate themselves into the good graces of customers in a number of situations including but not limited to: helping find a desired product, or diffusing a particularly bad situation expediently and retaining customers after the fact.

→handing change back... this rare and effusive skill does exist in nature. Anyone can learn cash handling but many decide to leave it at that. I believe I have perfected the art of handing change back by giving customers coin first followed by paper money, which effectively lowers the percentage of inefficient line delays due to dropped money. 

→a +9 to my register skill... Customer service is difficult to master and even just level up in. This is because of the many different stats that must level within the field before a proper level is achieved. A +9 means I know how to avoid cash fraud from customers.

→Wisdom... My wisdom is also quite high, allowing me to know when to take action and when not to. While I cannot claim to be near the level of the Fortune Cookie, I do know my way around some retail situations. Luckily my Intelligence and Wisdom stats work well in tandem, allowing me to always attend an occasion appropriately equipped. Unfortunately with such high stats in all these other areas, my Luck stat has remained slightly low. Not to worry, as we all need areas to improve upon. 

In conclusion, I would like to say that all the above mentioned should be taken as a very high indication that I would suit your company very well. I hope you will consider my impeccable application and resume, appropriate attire and hairstyle, and my friendly attitude to fill your needed position on the team. 

 Thank you for your time and consideration,
Jaimie Gross

©2014 Jaimie Gross ☺