Letter to the Class of 'XX

It's been ten years since I graduated, and I decided I would write this.

Hello everyone.

We've all graduated, yea? We've made it to that mark in society that says we can now work at McDonald's more than eight hours a week, and stay out later than curfew because let's face it. Curfews suck...

After ten years, we have all moved on. Loved people, lost people, bought homes, lost homes, married, divorced, had families. Some of us have gone on to secondary schooling. Some became graduates again, and others transformed into perpetual students. Some of us succeeded and some of us failed. Some of us did all of that, and some of us did none.

And sometimes... we felt like the littlest piggy, crying, "Wee-wee-wee," all the way home - with tears, or joy attached. 

The class Valedictorian, or whoever makes a speech at our reunion - if there is a speech - will remind us of all the good times we had together as if they knew they'd need to give this speech one day so they kept a journal of every occasion. 

But I certainly am not the class Valedictorian. I wasn't even in the top 99.9% for grades. It wasn't because I was not smart. Quite the opposite. I didn't do the work, and when I did, I didn't turn it in consistently enough to make the grade. I don't claim perfection. I never have been and never will be. 

I was that kid who got laughs I never wanted. I was the child blamed for my own bullying. Being different made me special. Being different made me want to fade away, and when I faded away, no one noticed me as they bumped into me in the halls.

More than ten years ago, we walked those halls. Each of us bore witness to our individual pains and pleasures. Were any of us aware of the suffering of our fellow classmates? Some of us faced domestic violence or abuse. Some of us felt smothered in our lives. Some of us screamed from a place where we were trapped inside our flesh, "Let me out!" 

We listened to voices. Every one of us heard the voices. "Good job." they whispered when we were doing well. "I can't believe this," they said snobbishly when things went wrong. The white washed walls spoke of the torments of other students who ghosted through from class to class, but we didn't hear it. 

We tormented others, as we were tormented, because high school is a beauty pageant... a popularity contest. 

We forgot that those around us are just as pained by their suffering as we are by our own. 

My memories of high school - at least those that I do have - are tainted. I had books stolen, and pages of writing torn up. I suffered harsh words, and cried myself to sleep in the library stacks more than once. I developed a stammer and a phobia of public speech. I began to fear affection, presuming that affection only meant that someone wanted something from me and they'd drop me as soon as they had it. 

However, even I have some good memories... I watched some of my fellow students mature from what has become the acceptable normal student into young people of a higher class. 

Examples of those included a student standing up for what they believed to be right and defending me when I was bullied - and holding their ground when others disapproved. Another was when I was yet again last in finishing laps at the start of gym and instead of ridiculing me like the rest of the class, two students ran beside me and whispered encouragement until I finally finished my 1-mile run. 

We are older now, and what defines us is how we live our lives. How do we treat others? Do we stand up for what we believe is morally just and right? Do we label others with stereotypes and then dismiss them because they 'are different' than we are? Do we give everyone a fair chance? Do we care about how much we tip at a restaurant, or have we completely ignored the fact that they aren't just a hand to bring our breakfast - they're people too. When someone is being bullied, or harassed, or hazed, do we stand up for them or do we fall in with the massive crowd of blind eyes? 

It's important that we, as a new generation of Moms and Dads and Aunts and Uncles, set a new bar of intolerance so that our kids don't face the same harsh lives we did. It's important that we don't tell our sons to "man up" or excuse our daughter's behavior as "being over-emotional". When we do that, we essentially tell our children that they can't open up about the problems they're having. We teach them that the bullies are right. I've had councilors and therapists and relatives all tell me, "Ignore these bullies. They'll get bored and leave you alone." So essentially when we break down those words, we realize that it's okay for bullies to bully you until they get bored because you're like a toy and when they're done with you, they'll discard you and move on. 

A lot of people are being victimized for being different. Students are being expelled or suspended for homosexuality, or being a female in shorts, or being a boy who likes My Little Pony. As long as our society continues to shun our differences, we'll continue to raise our children in a tiny little box of unoriginality, and we'll continue to churn out a perpetual mass of little worker-drones. 

I guess what I really want to say with this letter is... for the next several years, let's try to teach people to accept what others will not accept. Let's try to see things from a viewpoint not our own. Let's teach our daughters to play in the dirt, and our sons to cook in the kitchen. Let's take the pink and purple Legos and throw them in the same box as the blue and black ones. Let's let our children watch My Little Pony and Justice League regardless of what gender they are. Let us not judge bi-sexuality, homosexual, transgendered, or gender atypical people.

Instead, let us respect these people, and teach our children to do so as well. Children are not pre-programmed to hate something; instead they are the way they are because they absorb everything around them. Teach respect, and this world can be a better place. 

I respect your lifestyle, however you choose to live it. 
Many warm regards, 
Another alumni

©2014 Jaimie Gross

The Opinion Is An Insult

Imagine, if you will, going shopping. As you pass by a group of people, they glance in your direction and suddenly you have no idea why but you feel defensive. Maybe it was their tones, maybe it was their body language, but you don't like those people. 

Enter Facebook, Twitter, Google+, or other social mediums. You're going to vent because the internet is anonymous, you can put up anything you want. After all, it's not like those people in the store will ever know what you put up... You start to post particularly judgmental things. Everyone sees it who you know. Some respond in an equally judgmental fashion, and you feel justified and soothed because other people feel the same way you do.

This is called cyber-bullying.

How many of us have spent time struggling over our own self-worth? I know I have. I never quite "matched up" to the expectations of others. When I think of my three older siblings, I tend to compare myself to them and their successes. I was never as smart or strong or quick witted. In fact, I was the "dull one", the "project". I was special because I was not - if you get my meaning. 

So I know all about low self-esteem, and devaluing my own self-worth. We all spend so much time criticizing ourselves that we really don't need other people to help with that. 

So why do we allow ourselves to tear on other people...? Whether it is based off their appearance (structurally or via use of garments and accessories), or some other facet of their being, do they not have the human right to feel good about themselves? Perhaps we feel entitled to feel better than others, so we must bring them down? Or perhaps we feel bad our own selves and when we see someone better, or happier, we self-consciously need to sabotage them...? 

Whatever internet medium you go on, whether it is Reddit, or Facebook, or Youtube, you end up finding stinging comments from other users. "In my opinion" and "In my humble opinion" is a ready-made fall-back for people to say whatever it is they feel like saying without that pesky guilt nagging in their gut. And by saying it, others will be more likely to excuse the whole comment by accepting it as an "opinion". 

Well, I'm here, on the internet. I'm not anonymous, but I want to say to all those people who tear others down for one reason or another that your opinions should be kept to yourself. Stop insulting people and hiding behind the shroud of the opinion. You may feel free to have views other than the rest of us, but if your views are cruel and unjust, or hurtful to others, then you really need to hold your tongue. 

At times, I have seen people posting on the internet some very crude comments about others. Upon questioning about the rudeness of those comments, I have received the, "It's just my opinion," speech countless times. In addition, I've been flat out told said people, "don't want to continue to discuss the subject." In my opinion, I feel these people are afraid to discuss the morally right and wrong about it because they don't want to realize they're incorrect. And yes, that is my opinion. Feel free to call me on it, if my opinion is an insult. I'll curb my tongue. 

Everyone is beautiful, and in my opinion, no one should be allowed to drag you down. 

So next time you feel defensive over something someone else says, or does, or looks, or however you end up wanting to gain divine retribution against them, perhaps you can think of how judgmental you are of yourself. Remember that the internet shouldn't be where you put every thought you ever had, because the internet is far more eternal. What is said cannot be unsaid, whether that is in reality, or on cyberspace. 

Just because you're anonymous, or the person may not ever see your comment, or know who you are, does not mean that you are not a cyber bully when you attempt to harass or humiliate others online. 

As a response to an increase in cyber bullying witnessed on a daily basis about people and appearances, I'll be continuing this blog post with a supplement on "double standards and media portrayed perfection, and how these influence opinions". 

Let me know what you think of this in the comments. Please feel free to mention the abuse of commas.

©2014 Jaimie Gross

The Best Things In Life Are Not Free

The simplest things in life are free,
Or at least that is what they say to me.
The simplest thing is saying a lie,
But that just makes people hurt inside.

The most beautiful things in life are free,
Or at least that’s how some perceive it to be.
But even beauty costs a lot,
When someone advertises they can make you “hot”.
(But that’s always advertised at the bottom of the screen
In a really small font where you can’t see a thing).

The most heartwarming feelings in life are free,
Or at least that’s how couples wish it would be.
Because somebody is going to have to pay,
For that wonderful horse ride you went on today.

The best things in life are free,
Or so MasterCard™ says on TV.
Well, maybe this is true…
But only if MasterCard™ pays for you.

©2004 Jaimie Gross

Equal Relationship Efforts

Yes, I am single at the time of this writing, and yes I am about to write about relationships. More specifically, I'm intent on writing about something that has become one of my pet peeves on Facebook and other social media. 

I see posts on social media all the time that read, "I wish more men would say 'We're doing this on Friday,' instead of, 'I don't know, it's whatever you want to do.'" 

It seems to me that men do have ideas. I'm around men a lot, largely because I don't know how to talk to women, so I very often hear members of the male species casting their vote for some activity. When men figure out that you're just going to turn down whatever their idea is regardless, of course they're going to be more likely to say whatever to it all and tell you to choose. And eventually, they're likely to stop suggesting things at all. 

Of course, not all men are like that, and some women can be that way as well. I know I become a push-over in some groupings, not ready to have a single original thought whatsoever. In other groupings, I tend to be the only one choosing. 

"Nooo, I just don't feel like that today..." is something people say when they want to turn down the idea of the other person. Women are more likely to say that than men because men don't want to bother with an annoyed woman. I have no sources to prove that, excepting that I have watched and listened to couples. 

I am also guilty of doing that when I don't feel like eating somewhere. 

My pet peeve is not that people attempt to turn down ideas, but rather that they complain all over social media about wanting something to happen when chances are they haven't made a lot of effort to keep the relationship equal through communication and sharing mediums. Now, people will argue with me: their relationship is perfect. They share the work load in the kitchen. They both discipline the kids. When it comes time to going somewhere they take turns deciding where to go or they communicate the pros and cons of each location with both people contributing. 

That's great for your relationship. I'm really happy yours is working that way. But if you're complaining about it on social mediums - even sharing pictures with captions seems to have become the new 'subtle hinting' - then all must not be so well, I imagine. 

And since writing this post, I've made myself aware of exactly how often I tend to turn down restaurant ideas when hanging out with friends in favor of my own choices. Now that I am aware, I am intent on making a concerted effort to practice sharing. I hope that others work on sharing, too, so they can get what they want out of a relationship instead of prodding people as subtly as a child with a stick and a dead animal to get the desired results.

©2014 Jaimie Gross

My Own Quaint Little Tea House

How often have you had that one moment where you're struck completely with the desire to know everything about something almost to the point where you feel like either a stalker or a private investigator? Well, I have had it plenty. It sounds terrible, right? Barring doing anything completely ridiculous to obtain the information - such as staking out the library shelves wearing giant, suspicious glasses, a large trench coat, and a fedora, and stealing the books from other patrons after they get them off the shelves - I've done my fair share of obsessing.

I've read a ton of books from the library, and earned myself a ton of library late fees as I decided to read them again and again before returning them. By now, I'd say I do a pretty good job of supporting my local library with monetary contributions. What do I stack up late fees on? Lately, not fiction. I've had trouble sitting down and consuming a fiction book, but I blame generalized content for that. I don't want to read any stories about vampires, werewolves, and zombies (Oh my!). Mainstream YA seems to have taken a huge turn toward that, and even the urban fantasy/science fiction/romance genre are taking a cue from "What's Hot" and publishing book after book of it. With all that, I don't feel like browsing the new stuff as often.

Luckily, I manage a local bookstore, so I get to order and see all the books as they come in (and stack piles of books under the counter for myself as they come in!) So, not only does this help me find good books to read that aren't mainstream, but I can also find books related to my current obsession: Tea.

I know, it takes me a while to get to the subject I'm talking about, right? I went to a tea house down in Lawrence, Kansas during my (too) brief stay down there. House of Cha was a wonderful place to get a cuppa, or a pot of tea if you had time. Being served a pot of tea and a cute little tray of sugar, honey, and milk pretty much had me sold on the idea already. Coming from a small town, population less than 10k, such a place was not even thought to be possible. I had, and still have, a small town mindset. This place was the epitome of "Small Town Shop in Big City". I loved the cozy atmosphere, and looking at the tea pots and tea accessories for sale. For a while I was buying my tea from them in bulk and having the loose leaves shipped but their website link no longer seems to lead to their website (which makes me very sad).

So while I cannot get that particular bulk tea right now, there are still plenty of other places to get my fix for my obsession. I haven't yet had to buy a trench coat, shades, and hat and meet shady tea dealers in back alleys. There are places to learn the history of tea, whether I pick books from my own library, the city library system, or even online. Colleges all over the world are offering courses to become a Tea Sommelier. The American Tea Masters Association offers the opportunity for Tea Master Certification.

Opportunities are out there to learn about Tea, but whether one is motivated enough to look for them or not is entirely up to the individual. For me, its simply amazing to sit down with a cuppa, smell the aroma of the tea whether it is sharp or delicate, woodsy or flowery depending on my chosen flavor, and think to myself, "I know about you... What more can I learn?" The books I've read lately, as I said, haven't been fiction. They've been non-fiction, and all about tea. Hopefully someday I can open my own quaint little Tea House. For now, I'll settle with just sharing a cuppa with anyone whether its at my kitchen table or through my new blog. So feel free to settle in with your tea, whether its hot or iced, bagged or loose. You know I'm having a cup!

Note: This was the only blog post on an old blog. I decided to transfer it here so I could remove the old blog. :)
©2012 Jaimie Gross

Post Note: A few days after I originally posted this on the other blog, someone opened a tea shop in my town. So I promptly accused them of stealing my idea and followed that up with asking for a job. I no longer work at the bookstore, as it sadly had to shut its doors in September 2013. I'm also not any closer to being a tea sommelier. This is all quite sad.

Quickies, One-Night-Stands, and Friends With Benefits

Okay, that got your attention didn't it? Anything with "intercourse" or "death" in the title tends to be an attention grabber. Game of Thrones, for instance, would probably have an even larger audience if they called it, Game of Everybody Has Sex and Then Dies. But we're not here so you can read about Game of STDs. We're here because of exactly what the title of the blog post is: Quickies, One-Night Stands, and Friends with Benefits. 

Relationships are hard. It's easy to find someone you like. Crushes are easy to have. Yes, there's that nagging feeling of, "Oh, I wish they felt the same," or "Perhaps they feel the same and they're just waiting for me," or maybe even "OMG, what if I say I like them, and they call the police and get a restraining order on me?!"

Relationships, I will repeat for emphasis, are the real hard part. And lately... with everything at the click of a button, phones constantly in user's hands (handbag and pocket dials might soon become obsolete), stores shipping directly to your door, burgers made your way... We've all been trained to think we can have everything we want exactly when we want it and how we want it, or our money back - guaranteed! 

I do not claim to know much... but I watch and I listen and I learn. And since we have everything so available to us, that translates into our dating lives. People will argue against my opinion on this, but that's ok, since that's their opinion. I believe that having everything so available and not having to work for pretty much anything any more makes it so that we in our relationships think we don't have to go through the simple act of courting. Couple of drinks and poof... Instant gratification without hardly any effort.

Recently I had the honor of being told by someone that they couldn't date me because they had to get their life in order. That's reasonable, I'll agree. One week later, after not talking to me at all, the same person asked why I stopped talking to them and later in the conversation told me, "I prefer to be friends with more and more and eventually more". 

I was completely thrown by this. I'm not good enough to date, but he'll be my friend with benefits. I guess I just don't truly understand how anyone could ask that. It was like saying, "You're good enough to have intercourse with, but I don't want to make any effort."

One-Night Stands I can't understand either. If you're in a relationship, theoretically, you have a goal you're working toward. You can't have your cake and eat it too. 

Women and men are not seen the same way if they fall into the whole disastrous area of sexual acts without a relationship. Sometimes, even if women have a relationship at the time, they're still viewed negatively. Men, on the other hand, are viewed in a more positive way among their peers if they have had multiple partners. Is it right? No, it really isn't. 

Not everything is on-demand like Charter or Netflix or Amazon TV. You have to work hard to stay in love, and you have to work hard to keep the love of someone else. We've begun to fear commitment, or to take commitment lightly as divorces increase. There's nothing wrong with being partners for life without getting married, but I believe the minute you get married you need to put effort into it.

And it all comes back to how the relationship starts. Life is not a game or a movie. There's no rewind or restart button if you make a mistake. If you want to love someone, or to be loved by someone, respect yourself first. Love yourself by not allowing someone to order you as if you were some kind of meal through the drive-through at McDonald's. You are not a cheap toy to be had and thrown away when broken. 

And if you're one of the ones who thinks love is a cheap toy......

I believe that people need to start taking relationships seriously or don't have them at all. A relationship needs to be worked at, not some cheap night after cheap beer at a bar, or an attempt at keeping the illusion of being platonic, or a quickie in a closet after too much tequila. Don't settle for the first person who shows a mild to moderate amount of interest. Settle for someone who respects you and your reputation. 

©2014 Jaimie Gross

Eric the Adventurer

Eric the Adventurer is a funny little stick figure guy I drew while hanging out with a couple nerdy friends. Eric the Adventurer is on a quest for some serious EXP. 

-He's inspired in part by ideas thrown at me by my friends, and because I have a friend named Eric. 

Find out about Eric the Adventurer's quest here!

This is kind of like an adult nerd kid's story! 

©2014 Jaimie Gross

Introduction

Welcome to Written To Write blog!

I'm surprised to be here too. I've tried and failed to keep up with blogs before, but every year or two I seem to come back to give it a shot. Here I go!

My name is Jaimie Gross; my friends and employers call me James. I try to write things in a way that makes them unique and interesting but I have no idea if I achieve that, or if people are simply being kind by saying it is good. I make a lot of mistakes... I abuse commas, colons, and semi-colons. I spell things wrong and argue that it is correct. I misuse words and deny the accuracy of the dictionary.

And sometimes I start sentences with "and" "or" or "but" just to be facetious. Once in a while I use a big word correctly. When I get really angry, I use the English Language so well with so many big words used correctly I confuse people. When I am playful angry, I tend to whack friends on the arms - or more accurately, I go for the gut.

I'm socially awkward. I can talk to older people, nerds, and young kids just fine... but if you put me around "normal people" my age, I get flustered and make more mistakes verbally than you can imagine and people tease me regularly for it. I try to be ordinary, but my aura wears a post-it note that says "give me crap". Most days I just sit back and joke back, but on a bad day I smile on the outside and seethe on the inside.

Nine years in customer service has tempered me to never show how I really feel, so people around me tend to know only when I'm having an extraordinarily bad day and I can barely contain my bad mood. Even then I tend to simply brush things off as "Oh, I didn't sleep well" or "No, I'm fine, just thinking deeply".

At the time of this writing, I have three jobs. I work at a factory running a machine known as a punch press which makes parts for washing machines. My largest job on the press is forming the front panel for home-model top-load washing machines. I'm sure my job is a fun time every day. I have a decent paycheck (not great, but you know...) and nearly-full benefits.

I also work in an office sorting files, doing paperwork, and various other odd jobs my boss wants me to do. It's easy work that I can do around my own schedule.

My third job is working at a tea shop. Watson Street Tea and Treats... I love that place, so here's my plug. If you're in Ripon, Wisconsin, go on over to 208 Watson Street, Ripon, WI, 54971. Why? Because there's over a hundred different varieties of teas, tons of cooking spices, and the popcorn, truffles, cookies, cinnamon cashews, caramels, and other snacks are all made fresh on site. I want them to stay open, so go visit them and spend money. You can find their regular website here and their Facebook page here. OK, I will stop plugging them. Hah...

I try to write, thus the new blog. I'm intending to just blog whatever is on my mind so that I can stir the creative juices cauldron and hopefully spew out some writing. I used to write fan-fiction but that's sorta died out. You can read them here if you really want, but they're not that great and I don't think many (if any) are finished. The later works showed potential, but the earlier works make me cringe. It's like going back through all your earlier work and asking yourself, "OH BLOODY MOTHER OF... what was I on?!" Now that I'm older, I want to write my original fiction... and finish it. My novel is almost thirteen years old, and on its eighth or ninth incarnation. I'm going to say eighth so that it doesn't sound so bad. Anyway...

Nettie's story is here, if you want to read it. It's not my first original story, but it's the only original story that doesn't make my cheeks burn when I share it with others.

Thanks for reading my rambling! I hope you come back for more. I hope I do too!

PS! It's Friday the 13th and a full moon tonight, I hear. Enjoy this night of bad luck and werewolves.