Equal Relationship Efforts

Yes, I am single at the time of this writing, and yes I am about to write about relationships. More specifically, I'm intent on writing about something that has become one of my pet peeves on Facebook and other social media. 

I see posts on social media all the time that read, "I wish more men would say 'We're doing this on Friday,' instead of, 'I don't know, it's whatever you want to do.'" 

It seems to me that men do have ideas. I'm around men a lot, largely because I don't know how to talk to women, so I very often hear members of the male species casting their vote for some activity. When men figure out that you're just going to turn down whatever their idea is regardless, of course they're going to be more likely to say whatever to it all and tell you to choose. And eventually, they're likely to stop suggesting things at all. 

Of course, not all men are like that, and some women can be that way as well. I know I become a push-over in some groupings, not ready to have a single original thought whatsoever. In other groupings, I tend to be the only one choosing. 

"Nooo, I just don't feel like that today..." is something people say when they want to turn down the idea of the other person. Women are more likely to say that than men because men don't want to bother with an annoyed woman. I have no sources to prove that, excepting that I have watched and listened to couples. 

I am also guilty of doing that when I don't feel like eating somewhere. 

My pet peeve is not that people attempt to turn down ideas, but rather that they complain all over social media about wanting something to happen when chances are they haven't made a lot of effort to keep the relationship equal through communication and sharing mediums. Now, people will argue with me: their relationship is perfect. They share the work load in the kitchen. They both discipline the kids. When it comes time to going somewhere they take turns deciding where to go or they communicate the pros and cons of each location with both people contributing. 

That's great for your relationship. I'm really happy yours is working that way. But if you're complaining about it on social mediums - even sharing pictures with captions seems to have become the new 'subtle hinting' - then all must not be so well, I imagine. 

And since writing this post, I've made myself aware of exactly how often I tend to turn down restaurant ideas when hanging out with friends in favor of my own choices. Now that I am aware, I am intent on making a concerted effort to practice sharing. I hope that others work on sharing, too, so they can get what they want out of a relationship instead of prodding people as subtly as a child with a stick and a dead animal to get the desired results.

©2014 Jaimie Gross